


Left Behind

by elletromil



Series: Come Back (Home) [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Still an agent Eggsy, Unhappy Ending, retired harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 05:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15478389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: It’s been easy thinking that he can live without everything he’d left behind when there was no reminders of any of it in his current life. It’s much harder convincing himself of the same while he’s still holding onto the most important part of his entire life.After a night spent together, Harry has to say goodbye to Eggsy.





	Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BouncyBrittonie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BouncyBrittonie/gifts), [InsaneRedDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneRedDragon/gifts).



> So this one was kind of a surprise because I was supposed to write what will now be the third part of the series and nothing in between, but Harry very much wanted his moment. Which mean that for now there is no happy ending yet. Because, while the first two stories are unhappy, this is still me we're talking about. Of course ultimately, I will be writing a happy ending. Just not now.
> 
> A huge thank you to Red because she is the best and I can never say it enough.

Waking in someone else’s arms is an entirely novel experience to Harry.

Not that he’s been celibate all his life, but simply he’s never had the kind of partners that would stay the night.

The closest he’s come to a romantic relationship before has been on his honeypots, but no one in their right mind would actually take these encounters into consideration. The few times he hadn’t darted his marks unconscious after the act, he had usually been out of their bed before the first light of morning, just like the thief in the night that he was.

Intimacy has simply never been a part of his life.

Even with Merlin, his closest and oldest friend, he can count on one hand the number of times they’ve actually hugged.

And yet, right now, all snuggled up with a sleeping Eggsy, he doesn’t feel an ounce of the awkwardness he always imagined he’d feel in such a situation.

They’ve moved a bit during the night, but only to find the ways in how they naturally fit together and Harry is reminded of that Greek story about human soulmates being separated from the whole they formed at the creation of the universe.

It’s the first time he thinks that maybe, possibly, there’s something to it, that it’s more than just an overly romantic fancy.

Or maybe he’s become a romantic fool in his old age.

That’s possible too.

Eggsy slides a bit closer to him, still fast asleep, his expression soft and peaceful, the lines of worry Harry had noticed the previous afternoon during lunch relegated to a simple memory.

If they had all the time in the world, he would close his eye again and sleep some more, foolishly hoping to share his dreams with Eggsy. He would laze in bed until they both wake up again and then stay under the blankets still.

He would take his time discovering Eggsy’s body all over again, find out what makes his breath hitch, what makes him gasp and moan, makes him giggle. He would map and catalogue every inch of skin and let Eggsy do the same to him.

If they had all the time in the world, he would leave the bed only in the afternoon to prepare a very late brunch and bring it back to the bedroom with him.

He’d find out if Eggsy would let him feed some bites to him. Find out if Eggsy would try to feed him in turn.

If they had all the time in the world, he’d make sure they didn’t leave the bed for at least a whole week.

But they don’t have all the time in the world.

They don’t even have a whole day.

And so, Harry gently, carefully,  _reverently_ brushes Eggsy’s cheek with the side of his hand until his eyelids flutter open.

Until Eggsy wakes up with a confused frown that turns into a smile when he focuses on Harry.

And because they don’t have all the time in the world, Harry kisses him, not letting Eggsy remember that this is coming to an end.

Time will catch up with them soon enough.

For now, he simply wants Eggsy to know and feel just how much he’s loved.

*

They don’t share the shower this time.

Not staying under the showerhead longer than is necessary once Eggsy finally drags himself out of the bed and into the bathroom is one of the hardest thing Harry has ever done, but he still manages it somehow.

Of course, he cannot resist kissing him on his way out, but he succeeds in not letting it escalate into another bout of shower sex.

Not that he thinks either of them has the stamina left for more after last night and this morning, but again, who knows.

He sure hadn’t thought he’d have the stamina for last night and yet, it didn’t stop him from coming five times like a bloody teenager.

Instead of watching Eggsy wash himself and inevitably join him just to mess him up all over again, he busies himself with making breakfast. He doesn’t have everything to recreate the full English breakfast he’d served Eggsy during their twenty-four hours together years ago, but he has enough for simple eggs and toasts. He’s a bit surprised he actually remembers how Eggsy prefers his eggs and what he thinks is perfect toast, but really, he shouldn’t be.

A lot has happened for Harry since their last day together. The trauma of almost dying and the following amnesia and then completely turning his life around. Forgetting little details he hadn’t needed to remember before would have been expected.

But he also remembers the giddiness and hope he had felt that day, the silent promise he had made himself. How he had vowed that as soon as Eggsy became a Knight, as soon as he was his  _equal_ and he wouldn’t be risking taking advantage of him, he’d do everything in his power to court him like he deserved.

And that had meant burning little facts and preferences into his memory.

Eggsy comes out of the bathroom at the same time he finishes preparing breakfast, except for the tea. He nearly tells him to go sit on the balcony and wait for him there, but remembers how much he hated being treated like a guest.

Harry still sends him outside until the tea is ready, but with the added task of bringing their food with him.

It’s such a little thing and yet, Eggsy’s smile leaves Harry breathless when he takes the plates from his hands before carrying them out.

It only takes Harry a short while before joining him, but it’s just enough that Eggsy has already moved the chairs so that instead of sitting face to face, they’ll be side by side. It’s a tight fit and they keep bumping into each other, but it’s the kind of intimacy Harry never knew he craved until now.

They don’t talk much as they eat and they stop entirely when they have just their tea left to drink.

Eggsy leans against him, rests his head against his shoulder and Harry finds his free hand so he can link their fingers together.

How long they stay like this, looking at the world without really seeing it and listening to the wind play in the new leaves, Harry couldn’t say.

He just knows that it doesn’t last long enough.

*

They take a cab to the airport.

Harry could have driven Eggsy there himself, but then he wouldn’t have been able to hold him close like he is currently doing. He wouldn’t have been resting his head on top of Eggsy’s, wouldn’t have an arm wrapped around his waist, a hand curled around his hip.

Eggsy is keeping his eyes closed even if Harry knows he’s not asleep. He’s not about to say anything however, just stares out the window, glad that the driver knows how to read the mood and doesn’t try to engage them in conversation. He’ll have to remember to tip him well.

They hit traffic about fifteen minutes away from their destination, not that it’s surprising. It’s always busy around an airport, no matter the hour.

And anyway, Harry is grateful.

It means he has more time with Eggsy.

More time to come to terms that this is goodbye already.

That’s not really something he’s ever needed to do, saying goodbye.

Back when he was a Knight, it always felt too much like tempting the fates to say anything before leaving for his missions. He much preferred acting like he wasn’t even going anywhere.

And then last year, when he had decided to retire from Kingsman after Poppygeddon, he had already been away for a couple of weeks. Then, it had only been a simple matter of telling Merlin.

His old friend will never stop keeping tabs on him, so it hadn’t felt necessary to say anything of the sort. As for Eggsy… He had been on a mission at the time. He could have waited for him to come back, but he knew that it would only have served to suck him back into a life he very much wanted to leave behind.

He’s not weak-minded generally speaking, but he had still been in a vulnerable place a year ago.

The comfort of a familiar routine, even one he knew would surely lead to his death would have been too hard to resist.

He hadn’t liked leaving without saying a word to Eggsy, but it had been necessary. It has never felt like a regret.

In fact, after leaving London and doing much soul-searching, he’s realised he doesn’t have any regrets in life.

Some things he’s not proud of, but they had been necessary evils, done for the sake of the world. Others had been forced on him, like the church in Kentucky.

It had been hard to let these go and he’ll always be horrified by what he did that day, but he’s finally accepted that the blame for that solely lay on Valentine. Not him.

The closest to a regret he’s ever come, is his fight with Eggsy before Kentucky.

Truth be told, it had been one and he nearly died with it.

But he was given a second chance by Ginger and he didn’t waste it. He might not have stayed to say goodbye to Eggsy, but he hadn’t let him leave for his mission before clearing the air between them. Before he could tell him that he hadn’t meant any of the things he had said. That he had never felt prouder than he was of Eggsy.

It’s the last true conversation they’d had before yesterday and he’d never felt like he was missing anything because of it.

Or maybe he’s just very good at lying to himself.

It’s been easy thinking that he can live without everything he’d left behind when there was no reminders of any of it in his current life. It’s much harder convincing himself of the same while he’s still holding onto the most important part of his entire life.

Too soon, they reach the airport.

He pays the driver, knowing already that even if it’s silly, he’s not leaving until Eggsy’s plane takes off.

He’s silent as he follows Eggsy around, not commenting on how he’s obviously taking longer to register than he should. It’s not like he doesn’t know exactly  _why_.

They’ve been holding hands all this time, but once Eggsy reaches the customs lines, he has no choice but to let go, but not before a last kiss. He prays briefly that the moment will never end, but life has never been that kind to him. He can’t ask Eggsy to stay.

Still, he stands near the lines, keeps on watching Eggsy, keeps on drinking in the sight of him. He doesn’t think he’s ever done anything harder than watching him walk away and not go after him.

But he can’t. He’s got his life here now and Eggsy must return to his own.

No matter how much they both want it. No matter how much yearning there is in Eggsy’s eyes when he turns back one last time before disappearing where Harry won’t follow

Their lives don’t coincide anymore.

*

He’s changing the sheets of the bed before heading out to the cafe to get dinner, the idea of making a meal for one unbearable after only a few hours in Eggsy’s company.

He even thought of leaving the dirty sheets on the bed, to keep the physical proof of his passage here for a while longer, but it would have served no other purpose beside torturing himself needlessly with the reminder.

Eggsy isn’t coming back. Yes, he looked back at the airport before moving out of sight, but it doesn’t change the facts. He isn’t coming back. He’s left Harry behind.

He lets himself drop on the bed when he suddenly realises that after a year completely free of them, he’s plagued with regrets again.

Well,  _one_ regret really.

He should have climbed into the same plane as Eggsy. He should have followed him home.

It’s too late now.


End file.
